State of the Lisa
May. 31st, 2017 02:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rwrylsinNot great, to be honest. 2017 has been a hard year so far.
Where to start… I’m so tired, my right eye is twitching, and the left is thinking of joining it.
First I should mention that I’ve been back on depression medication for about 18 months. Been up and down, but trending steeply down the last few months without realising. “Woke Up” on Friday evening a couple of weeks ago with the usual revelation of “Oh, this is what normal feels like.” and “I guess that’s why the coffee stopped helping, it wasn’t just tiredness after all”.
24 hours later I could feel myself sliding back into a depressed torpor, apparently powerless to stop it. Decided to take unilateral action, increased my medication dose, and am now doing much better. Hence all the LJ posts and stuff I’m catching up on.
Now I just have to decide if and when I’m going to cut it back again. Suppose I should talk to the doctor.
Ms2 still doesn’t sleep well, and during the brief time she *did* sleep well I was being woken up all the time by restless legs, and my hands going numb while I slept. Sleep deprivation does not help the depression, and brings its own problems.
Early this year I went to the doctor about my hands. Because of the gestational diabetes I have to consider myself pre-diabetic, and therefore hands going numb all the time seemed like it should be taken seriously.
I fully expected to be told in the nicest possible way “We warned you to fix your diet, you didn’t do enough, now you have diabetes. Sucks to be you.”
But, when told I was having circulation problems in my hands, my doctor just told me to describe the symptoms, then told me I probably didn’t have circulation issues, I had carpal tunnel. Blood test to check for other possibilities, but referral for a nerve test for a conclusive diagnosis of carpal tunnel.
Now, my hands going numb/pins&needles/feeling swollen and/or aching is not a new thing. They used to do it whenever we took long walks while touristing in Europe over a decade ago. At the time I’d been diagnosed with Reynaud’s Disease making my feet go numb, so I figured it was just part of the same thing and lived with it.
In more recent times, when they were misbehaving I went to the Osteo and they got fixed, the problem went away so was obviously just related to my back/neck.
But it was never as constant as it has now become, and while it comes and goes in severity my hands are never fully-functional now. Even at their best I fumble and drop things all the time, can’t fence properly (ok for coaching, but the rapid fingerwork of bouting is beyond me), and generally feel like I have weak and fragile old-person hands. The Osteo has done his best but can’t make them feel normal again.
Took ages to get an appointment for the nerve test, but finally got in during April. Yes, I have moderate carpal tunnel in both hands.
Doctor then referred me to a hand specialist. Long wait there as well, I saw hime today. Given that I need a long-term solution it’s going to be surgery - relatively minor keyhole surgery with immediate relief of symptoms, but the surgery itself will result in 4-6 weeks of pain/discomfort and impaired hand usage. Also a week of no driving…
So, I probably need to do one hand at a time, and find a couple of months where I don’t need to do too much…
Going back to the Osteo, once he stopped trying to fix my hands and returned to normal service my restless legs went away (mostly). So it seems I can thank Osteo for not suffering from them more often.
Ms2 is really too heavy for me to lift now, particularly because she wants to throw herself backward, swing and generally wriggle, not just be held. I try to keep it to a minimum, but she needs help into the car still, and sometimes a toddler just needs to be held, so I’m keeping the Osteo well paid as I try not to spend too much time with a cripplingly sore back.
All this pain is also wearing me out.
On the upside, I’ve mostly avoided infectious things this year so far. Have a bit of cold at the moment, but the symptoms are very much background annoyance level.
Meanwhile, it’s a tough year for other people too, and witnessing other people’s difficulties has been a further dent on my coping abilities. Especially when it’s the break-up of a couple who has always seemed so like us, and realising that there but for a few minor differences in circumstance could be me and David.
So apart from catharsis, the point of all this is to try and let everyone know why I’ve been so generally rubbish lately, and may continue to be for some time to come. I don’t think I particularly need anything except for people to cut me some slack.
Although if you want to give me cake or something, that's fine too.
Where to start… I’m so tired, my right eye is twitching, and the left is thinking of joining it.
First I should mention that I’ve been back on depression medication for about 18 months. Been up and down, but trending steeply down the last few months without realising. “Woke Up” on Friday evening a couple of weeks ago with the usual revelation of “Oh, this is what normal feels like.” and “I guess that’s why the coffee stopped helping, it wasn’t just tiredness after all”.
24 hours later I could feel myself sliding back into a depressed torpor, apparently powerless to stop it. Decided to take unilateral action, increased my medication dose, and am now doing much better. Hence all the LJ posts and stuff I’m catching up on.
Now I just have to decide if and when I’m going to cut it back again. Suppose I should talk to the doctor.
Ms2 still doesn’t sleep well, and during the brief time she *did* sleep well I was being woken up all the time by restless legs, and my hands going numb while I slept. Sleep deprivation does not help the depression, and brings its own problems.
Early this year I went to the doctor about my hands. Because of the gestational diabetes I have to consider myself pre-diabetic, and therefore hands going numb all the time seemed like it should be taken seriously.
I fully expected to be told in the nicest possible way “We warned you to fix your diet, you didn’t do enough, now you have diabetes. Sucks to be you.”
But, when told I was having circulation problems in my hands, my doctor just told me to describe the symptoms, then told me I probably didn’t have circulation issues, I had carpal tunnel. Blood test to check for other possibilities, but referral for a nerve test for a conclusive diagnosis of carpal tunnel.
Now, my hands going numb/pins&needles/feeling swollen and/or aching is not a new thing. They used to do it whenever we took long walks while touristing in Europe over a decade ago. At the time I’d been diagnosed with Reynaud’s Disease making my feet go numb, so I figured it was just part of the same thing and lived with it.
In more recent times, when they were misbehaving I went to the Osteo and they got fixed, the problem went away so was obviously just related to my back/neck.
But it was never as constant as it has now become, and while it comes and goes in severity my hands are never fully-functional now. Even at their best I fumble and drop things all the time, can’t fence properly (ok for coaching, but the rapid fingerwork of bouting is beyond me), and generally feel like I have weak and fragile old-person hands. The Osteo has done his best but can’t make them feel normal again.
Took ages to get an appointment for the nerve test, but finally got in during April. Yes, I have moderate carpal tunnel in both hands.
Doctor then referred me to a hand specialist. Long wait there as well, I saw hime today. Given that I need a long-term solution it’s going to be surgery - relatively minor keyhole surgery with immediate relief of symptoms, but the surgery itself will result in 4-6 weeks of pain/discomfort and impaired hand usage. Also a week of no driving…
So, I probably need to do one hand at a time, and find a couple of months where I don’t need to do too much…
Going back to the Osteo, once he stopped trying to fix my hands and returned to normal service my restless legs went away (mostly). So it seems I can thank Osteo for not suffering from them more often.
Ms2 is really too heavy for me to lift now, particularly because she wants to throw herself backward, swing and generally wriggle, not just be held. I try to keep it to a minimum, but she needs help into the car still, and sometimes a toddler just needs to be held, so I’m keeping the Osteo well paid as I try not to spend too much time with a cripplingly sore back.
All this pain is also wearing me out.
On the upside, I’ve mostly avoided infectious things this year so far. Have a bit of cold at the moment, but the symptoms are very much background annoyance level.
Meanwhile, it’s a tough year for other people too, and witnessing other people’s difficulties has been a further dent on my coping abilities. Especially when it’s the break-up of a couple who has always seemed so like us, and realising that there but for a few minor differences in circumstance could be me and David.
So apart from catharsis, the point of all this is to try and let everyone know why I’ve been so generally rubbish lately, and may continue to be for some time to come. I don’t think I particularly need anything except for people to cut me some slack.
Although if you want to give me cake or something, that's fine too.
What I can manage at a distance
Date: 2017-05-31 12:32 pm (UTC)Sorry you're having a hard time of it.